Ladybug and Monkey

Needless to say, the girls had a blast trick or treating. Malia has been this ladybug for the last 3 Halloweens now. Auntie Cathy made it for her and it still fits!




The girls with their neighborhood friends



It has been hard to motivate Eden to communicate with us, so I was surprised to see how quickly she picked up on saying "trick or treat"! The rewards were too huge to pass up I guess :)

Fall...and New Challenges

Paul just came back from spending a couple of weeks in Africa for work, so we spent his day off at the pumpkin patch with the girls. I think Eden wasn't quite sure about it :)








When Eden first came home, she was pretty good about sticking right by us so we relaxed a bit on allowing other people to play with her, hold her, etc. We've learned it's called "trauma attachment", where the child may stick to you like glue because they are afraid of all the big changes that have happened and feel insecure about what will happen next. So it turns out that as she's adjusted and gotten used to her new home and surroundings, she is also now getting very comfortable with other people very quickly. A little too quickly. Any new adult she meets is a potential caregiver to her and she will readily follow them around since they're more likely than mommy to offer her sweets and let her have her way with toys and other kids.

It's way more complex than I just described and I know it may be hard for someone who hasn't had the experience of trying to bond and connect with an adopted child to understand. I don't expect everyone to understand it, but we're just asking for the support of our friends and family in stepping back from loving on Eden and allow us the time to form a solid attachment. We will fill people in as we spend time with you, but basically we ask that you not touch/hold her, offer her food or toys, and if she comes to you for any of these things to redirect her to one of us.

We have appreciated the love all of you have shown her, sincerely. Thank you for supporting us in this way.

New Friends

The girls met Millie and her mom this weekend in Palo Alto (Eden and Millie are from the same orphanage/city). Super-encouraging time for Eliza!

Eden's Repertoire

Eden turned two this past weekend and we decided to document her progress in English thus far. She has recently started to try and repeat things we say in English, which is a big change from before when she didn't seem to want to try.

This weekend also marked four months since she became a part of our family!

Her words "backpack" and "map" are nods to Dora The Explorer, her favorite show, and "jie jie" is big sister in Mandarin. She consistently calls Malia that and is also pretty consistent with calling Paul "dada". I, along with about 20 other people/things, am called "mama".

We'll do a birthday post as soon as we can get pictures from people who took them at the party. I was too preoccupied to even look for my camera!

Oh and the scratches on her face? I wasn't even home when it happened and Paul was outside talking to someone. He heard Eden crying in the house and came in to find her face bleeding! Malia says Eden fell into this straw table we have in the family room. Well, until Eden picks up some more words, we'll have to take Malia's story.

We Love Auntie Pauline!

My sister Pauline was out here visiting from Philly the last 2 weeks and she left an indelible mark on all of us. First of all for Eden, who set a new record for time it took to bond with a new person! From day 1 with Pauline, Eden was hooked. I was even a tad jealous :) And Malia has always loved auntie Pauline, but just didn't understand where she's been the last few months! When Malia woke up to find her gone again one morning she was inconsolable.

And as for me...her presence somehow turned my relationship with Eden around. I know it sounds quite dramatic to say that, but it's just true. It was a combination of having her around to help with the girls, which gave me a much needed break, and also her fresh perspective on Eden that I learned a lot from. She has a lot of experience working with small kids and from that a lot of good techniques and ways to approach them that I took lots of mental notes on!

Truthfully I had hit a bit of a low point right before Pauline's visit. The accumulation of the stress of the last 3 months had really worn me down and I found myself in survival mode rather than being able to really nurture my kids. Plus I had all this baggage with Eden from the struggles we've had to work hard to overcome from the beginning. Even when we worked through something successfully, I continued to carry the stress and emotions of it with me.

But spending 2 weeks with Pauline and also my mom really gave me the opportunity to step back and observe Eden from a distance, and appreciate things about her that I was too fried to notice before. And after 3 months of feeling like I was babysitting someone else's kid, we are really starting to bond and feel more like mother and daughter.

The following pictures are all from Pauline's camera :)

Drunken Monkey Dance

Sorry for the poor video quality (directly from iPhone to Youtube).

Connection Is a Tricky Thing

Some good friends of ours adopted a young boy at almost the exact same time that we brought Eden home. I caught up with them today, and they shared something pretty profound. "Connection is a tricky thing," said the boy's new daddy as he described the ups and downs of bonding with an adopted child you've only known for two months. We can totally relate.

What I tell most people now is that, when we have a moment to look at it in the big picture, there's no doubt that Eden is showing great signs of adjusting well. But ask Eliza or me in one of our not-so-cheery moments, and we'll probably give you a much more gritty answer out of either exhaustion, exasperation or a combination of both.

It's really nice to see Malia and Eden playing together in relative calm and peace. Malia is definitely showing more and more signs of being the nurturing big sister. Sometimes Malia even tries to help Mom or Dad empathize more with her mei mei (little sister) by telling us, "She's trying to say____" or "She doesn't know better" or "I think Eden wants______." It's really cute, and becoming less rare. :)

One of the first signs of bad parenting on our part was trying to get Eden to get hooked on TV... we just need the break once in awhile because she's a nonstop whirlwind otherwise. Well, as Diego says, "Mision completa!"... as evidenced by this video.

Amazing Love

We met Eden only two months ago but already it's hard to imagine our lives without her. She has brought us so much joy and laughter, as well as to our knees in prayer!
Some of the funny things she's done as she's been getting used to things in our home:

She brought me this plastic orange and wooden knife from the toy kitchen in all seriousness so I could cut it up for her to eat.



Once I pulled out a toy car from under the bookcase and she kept leading me over to the bookcase and pointing under it because she thought that toys came from there.



I know many of you have heard bits and pieces of how challenging this adjustment period has been for us all. Yesterday at church God led me to realize an amazing truth in my relationship with Eden. You see, Malia has been so easy to love because she so clearly loves me back and shows me her love and need for me in little ways everyday. What I've been facing with Eden has been willful and disobedient behavior, independence that causes her to turn away from me and do her own thing, unruliness and disregard for family skills and rules, and all the while knowing that she doesn't love me (yet) nor does her heart bend towards me hardly at all. And while this has been a huge struggle for me, especially in trying to emotionally connect to her, I realized suddenly that we are exactly the same. The way Eden appears to me is exactly how I appear to God.

Eden hasn't come to know me and trust me in a way that would allow her to love me yet, and we often go for days without a positive interaction. While I do love God, I often go for days without showing God my love for Him in any way.

Eden could go on and live her life without me as long as there is a suitable replacement to fill my spot. I do that when I replace God with other idols that appear in the moment to satisfy me.

Eden goes about her business, coming to look for me only when she needs something or something needs fixing. Um, yeah, I do that one too.

Eden constantly tests limits with me, lashes out in anger at me, and shrugs and looks away when I'm trying to discipline her. Enough said.

And the amazing gospel and how much God continues to pour out His love and grace on my life despite my sinfulness and choosing to do things my way time and time again, has taken on new meaning for me. Eden has become a powerful reminder to me of how very much I am loved by God, and not for anything I have done.

I am so thankful for my two girls and for the different ways God is using them to teach me and minister to me. I can only strive to love them as God has loved me.

I Would Fit Right in with This Crew

And Life Goes On

As a follow up to the green chair video, we now have 2 green chairs! And look how happy they are :) The girls have to share everything including their room, so where we can find a small way for them to feel some ownership we'll do it. We've even blocked off a small corner of their room for Malia to have as her "quiet place" when she needs some time away from Eden. It's also for her to play with things that Eden can't get into yet (markers, playdoh, etc.). It was a good idea as Malia goes there for a time everyday and regroups after huge clashes with Eden. It also gives me a little peace and quiet as a result!

We haven't blogged in a while just because life has slowly been getting back to normal and we're increasing our activities and busyness again. No more camping out at home, thank goodness :) We even brought Eden to church the last couple of Sundays and she did great. She loves the nursery and all the toys there and as long as one of us is in there with her she is content to hang out and play.

Eden has been quickly picking up on English and although she isn't speaking it yet she understands a lot of what we say. We started out using Mandarin words with her (well, the 10 or so that we knew) and then we would say things in English and Mandarin, and now it's mostly English. She says "hi", "bye", and "go, diego, go" (no kidding). I've also been using some signs with her, but she hasn't started using those yet. Hopefully soon because it would help a lot for her to be able to communicate with us more.

We're going to go to our first playgroup tomorrow and I'm hoping it's a hit with her so we can add one more thing to our routine.

The Odd Thing About International Adoptions

Adopting a child is not a political statement nor even a moral act. It's about wanting to become a parent first and foremost.

But with that being said, I do worry about two diverging trends. On the one hand, the number of orphans globally has been rising while the number of international adoptions is diminishing. The latter is not necessarily a reflection of there being fewer families who want to adopt, but more a result of geopolitics adding further hurdles for international adoption. The response by Russia to the now-infamous case of the Tennessee woman who sent her adoptee back to Russia is an example of this.

So even though this blog is really about sharing our personal stories, I do want to let people know about an important way we can advocate for prospective adoptees... in this case, allowing North Korean refugees to be adopted into American families. Here's how you can help (click this link).

One Month

On Monday it will have been one month that we've been a family. It feels like longer probably because of all the sleep that was lost :) But we've seen some signs of progress with Eden's adjustment that in the midst of second guessing myself constantly, affirm that we are doing something right.

*She definitely singles us out among strangers. When meeting new people or in a public place, she stays close and will often cling onto our legs.

*She's eating and sleeping much better. She'll pretty much go to sleep on her own in the crib with someone laying down on the floor beside her. Some nights she cries a little and then goes to sleep, some nights there won't be any crying. Her eating has gotten better, less picky, although there's still a lot of room for growth here. There still seems to be a control thing going on with her when it comes to food.

*Her and Malia will actually have fun together! Totally on their own without us trying to help them along. The other day they were sitting together outside and Malia was spontaneously laughing at nothing and causing Eden to laugh along with her. It was the cutest thing ever.

I (Eliza) am the one who's kind of hit a bit of a rough spot. Things started out pretty difficult for me in China, then got a little better when we got home, and now I'm finding myself struggling again. I was telling a friend today it's kind of like when someone makes a joke at your expense...when it's a good friend it's funny and you can take it because you have that relationship as a context for the remark. But if it's someone you don't know well, it's hurtful and offends because you don't know the person well enough to know where they're coming from.

I feel like that when Eden yells at me or pushes me away in a tantrum, or when she rejects food that I'm trying to feed her. I haven't gotten a read on her yet and it's hard to tell if her behavior is toddler-related, adoption-related, personality related. Often it can fall into any of those categories and it matters which one because there is a different course of action depending on it. Lots of adoption stories I've heard tend to be pretty classic examples of adoption-related behavior, which means you can make sense out of them and understand what is causing the behavior. But I just don't know with Eden, she has some of the signs adoption books described, but not consistent enough to form a coherent picture. So I end up taking her actions more personally because I can't find a way to explain it otherwise.

And I keep on thinking about the time we lost with her. How her past is such a mystery and how I wish we could've bonded with her as a baby. I know this is her loss as well, that she'll have questions one day soon that I won't be able to answer for her. And we'll have to work through it together.

And Now in this Corner...

The worst of the jetlag is over (mercifully!). We're all mostly sleeping through the night, even if our body clocks are still a little off.

All things considered, Eden seems to be adjusting well. She loves going to the park, playing in our backyard, and rummaging through all of the toy bins... which, until 3 weeks ago, were the exclusive domain of Malia. So the main entertainment (if you want to call it that) during the day is watching the two girls go at it. At different moments, it oscillates from total comedy to total headache. Mom and Dad are pretty much refereeing ever 15 seconds or so. Malia has learned the Chinese expression for "don't do that!" and chirps it at Eden all the time... We hope Malia will start showing that nurturing side we know she has and stop being so possessive with toys and things. This video clip gives a little glimpse of what it's like all the time in the Park home...

We're seeing a lot of good signs in Eden. She's not quite as picky about eating... or at least not as much as she showed in China. She enjoys hugs and kisses from Dad and now Mom, too. Dad had to go to work on Wed - Fri and Eden seemed to handle it without ill effects (although I absolutely cherished the big hug she and Malia gave me when I walked in the door from work).

Malia is also showing signs of better adjustment. Today on that same green chair in the video, when Malia saw Eden coming towards her, she made room for her little sister and even helped her get into the chair.

One gauge we are watching closely are Eden's tantrums. About 30 times a day, often triggered by very minor things, Eden will throw a temper tantrum complete with arched back, screaming, crying, and hitting. As I understand it, this is not uncommon for recently-arrived adoptees. We obviously are hoping to see less frequency, quicker recovery times and eventually the resiliency to find other ways to express herself without such intensity and rage.

One good friend asked me, "So when are you lifting the social quarantine?" I thought that was a funny way of putting it. We have had a few visitors, and we welcome them... with advance notice. One thing that might seem odd is that we will be the only people to hold Eden for awhile. From her perspective, she has only known us for 2+ weeks. The bond is forming, but we can't assume that she understand our permanent and unique place in her life as parents. We are following the wisdom of experienced adoptive parents who have suggested that, for an initial period of a few months, to take these small but significant measures to solidify the attachment between child and new parents. And as much as we are very eager to come to church as a whole family, we probably won't bring Eden to church for a few more weeks in order not to overwhelm her with too many new faces all of a sudden. But we are eager to see our church family soon, and Mom or Dad will be accompanying Malia starting this Sunday.

Thanks for all the comments and interest you are showing in our transition period. We are really enjoying being parents to our two adorable girls.

I Want to Stay on China Time!

We couldn't be happier about the medical news about Eden's palate. Now our immediate challenge is getting our two girls to get back to Pacific Time. Our days go something like this...

12am - Eden wakes up from what she thinks is just a nap. Malia is finally dead asleep.

3:30 - 3:45am - After much protest, Baba finally gets Eden to fall back sleep.

4:30am - Malia wakes up from what she thinks is a hybrid nap/nighttime sleep. Her day officially starts.

9am - Eden wakes up from her slumber.

12pm - Eden dozes off wherever we are... car seat or stroller. We move her over to the crib.

2pm - After an hour or more of restlessness and protest, Malia finally falls asleep for her nap.

2:30pm - Eden wakes up from her nap.

5:30pm - We wake up Malia from her nap to try to get her back on schedule.

8pm - Eden dozes off wherever we are... car seat, stroller or in my arms. We move her over to the crib.

10:30pm - After an hour or two of restless rolling around and constant pestering of Mama, Malia falls asleep.

12am - Eden wakes up, ready to party... and the cycle starts over again.

This is our wacky world right now. Compared to dealing with the prospects of multiple cleft palate surgeries, we'll take a little prolonged jetlag in the trade-off any day.

Here's an extended glimpse of what it's like to try to have a conversation with Eden... we think it's babble, but maybe some of you Mandarin speakers can help us discern if there are actual Chinese words being spoken... Malia tries to be interpreter for us...

Shock...and relief

After the news at the medical clinic in China that Eden's palate was fine, we were anxious to hear what the cleft team at Children's Hospital in LA would have to say. We were there yesterday and the plastic surgeon took one look inside Eden's mouth and said, "Yup, she's fine. No cleft palate."

Wow. It was obviously great news, but we were in disbelief. It says "cleft palate" in about 6 different places in Eden's paperwork and I've never heard of medical records being this inaccurate. If anything people worry about not getting full disclosure on their child's medical issues, but to have it the other way around???

We are soooo very relieved to have been spared the agony of the approx. 20 year commitment that treating cleft palate can entail. Especially for Eden's sake. But having prepared physically and mentally and emotionally to deal with it, it's still taking me by surprise and hasn't quite fully sunk in yet.

We're still battling horrible jetlag here, especially the girls. They're off of each other as well, so one of them is always awake, even in the middle of the night. Paul has to go into work this week and I'm pretty nervous about how I'll do on my own. A friend from church brought a meal over yesterday and it was a tremendous help! Not to mention good to see their faces :)

I've been able to spend more time with Eden now that Malia has gotten more used to sharing her parents and it's helping me connect with her a little more each day. Eden is getting used to our home and neighborhood as we've taken her on walks and to the local park. I really miss church and my normal activities, but I think we'll have to wait a bit longer before introducing more new things to Eden.

Malia is still struggling a lot and along with showing regressive behaviors has taken to testing us at every turn. This is a girl who got a time-out maybe once a month before, and now it's multiple times a day - and we let 90% of her misbehavior go since we know she's having a hard time. Poor thing. Hopefully with lots of love and affirmation from us she'll grow out of this phase soon.

We're thankful for all your support and care for us and we hope to see you all soon!

*oh, thanks Charlene for the tip about yogurt with veggie puree in it! Got some yesterday and will give it a try :)

Zombieland

Day 2 themes are the same recurring ones -- jetlag, Eden's picky
eating (which is a cause for some concern), and Malia's difficulties
making the adjustment to sharing everything with Eden. Right now
everyone is asleep after a rough night.

My Three Backyardigans

It's Hot! from Paul Park on Vimeo.

Chillaxing at Home

We figure that some of our viewership will have dropped off now that the big trip is over, but we will continue to blog about our initial transition period for those of you who asked for it.

We're home, and it feels good.

Jetlag for everyone and colds for Eden and Malia notwithstanding, we're all doing pretty well. Eden is showing no signs yet of longing for the familiar sounds, smells, and sights of China. Malia's collection of toys are providing ample fascination... The big challenge on Post-Trip Day 1 is refereeing between the two girls. This is Malia's turf, and coupled with jetlag-induced crankiness, she's ready to assert her territorial claims. Eden, for her part, is no pushover and ready for some hostile takeover. Mom is not looking forward to my first day back in the office when she will be left alone with these two.

We got a welcomed quick visit from a couple of dear friends, and an invitation by across-the-street neighbors to dinner (which we are eager to do soon)... we also found out that friends from church organized meals for us starting Monday. We are so very grateful for these generous and warm expressions of love and support. For these first few days, we're mostly planning to stay home and get Eden solidly acclimated to family and home before introducing her to too many new faces. We can't wait for everyone to meet her, though!

Here's a pic of Eden at breakfast with her two favorites -- bread and yogurt.

The Road Home

In just a couple of hours, Eden boards her first-ever plane to make the long trek to her new home. We pray it will feel like home very quickly.

Every day we learn more and more about Eden's personality, wants, likes and dislikes. She's usually the loudest person in the room, limiting us to busy, loud restaurants where we can sort of blend in. She gets a lot of looks of "you're so cute" while Eliza and I get the "do you know what you're doing?" glances. It probably has to do with our very non-Chinese ways of feeding and caring for her.

Last night she bumped her head on a column at a restaurant and she started to sob in pain. She ran over to me for comfort. We took that as a good sign, perhaps the first marker on the road to developing a secure sense of belonging in a permanent family.

It's been a long and exhausting trip. That being said, we won't soon forget this experience. There were two moments when I got unexpectedly emotional. The first was the first time all 15 families with our agency gathered together after we all got our adopted children. Around the room were beautiful kids, ranging in age from 1 to 12 and from many different provinces. Many, if not most most of them, had special needs - spina bifida, cerebral palsy, severe cleft palate, missing hand, deafness... I was just moved in that moment at the way the lives of these kids would profoundly change... and just praying that the adjustments to new families and new homes in places as far-flung as Nebraska, Iowa, Georgia and California would go smoothly.

The second was during our oath-taking ceremony at the US Consulate. Eliza thought it was a unremarkable event, but for some reason, it got me choked up. Maybe it was the official setting and the large room full of adoptive families and the moment to pause and consider the seriousness of the commitment we all were making. It was the culmination of a long process that officially began in 2008... but the seeds of it began long before that.

While in China, we couldn't view our blog (just email post only) so have not been able to read everyone's comments, but we are so grateful for the many wonderful expressions of encouragement from so many friends and family members... and for the prayers especially. We have been so strengthened and supported by you all. On the subway back from the US Consulate, one of the adoptive dads exclaimed, "The adoption journey now ends!" Almost as soon as those words came out of his mouth, we both exchanged knowing looks to each other... this brief 2-week sojourn to China may be ending, but the real journey is actually just beginning.

Welcome home, Eden Qinying. You are a part of our little family now... and through all the future joys and sorrows, through all the ups and downs of discovering your sense of identity as an adopted child... We promise to love you with our whole hearts.

Leaving China...

Tomorrow morning we're returning home. Or, in Eden's case, we're leaving home. We have mixed emotions as we think about this time together as a new family in China, and also how Eden will react to yet another change in her life.

So far we've been happy to see her laughing and smiling a lot, but it's tempered with the sadness of seeing her behave very independently at times. Behavior that indicates she inherently believes she is alone in this world. When she awakes prematurely she will get up and look around, see me, then lay right back down and go back to sleep, not interacting with me at all. When she's upset because she can't have something she wants or get her way, she pushes me away and throws a tantrum, not wanting anyone to comfort her. She will also go off with someone else in another family or a Chinese person who has taken interest in her, not missing me or thinking anyone is missing her.

Our relationship is primarily a utilitarian one for her right now, needing me to get a piece of food for her or hand her the toy she wants. I'm okay with that for now, and I know that there's a long road ahead of us of building connection and showing Eden what it means to be a family.

But as we've had time to process everything that's happened these last 2 weeks, we realize we have much to be thankful for. First of all for Eden coming into our lives and the opportunity to love her and watch her grow. Malia has also been a blessing to us on this trip and reminding us in the meantime of how fulfilling parenthood is. We've met some wonderful, wonderful families on this trip as well, people we'll keep in touch with. And we've all had pretty good health throughout. Overall a great trip  :)

Thank you all for your emails and comments (we've been able to see some of the comments, but not all) and just for rooting for us all this way. We can't wait to introduce you all to our newest addition!

Medical Check

Today was the dreaded medical check. Eden had to get 6 shots in a 2 minute period and excuse my language but WTF. It was absolutely heartbreaking hearing Eden and the kids before her scream and cry their eyes out. I just couldn't take it. The Hague Convention (an international agreement between participating countries on best adoption procedures) requires that children be caught up on all their vaccines before entering the country. This means that kids are getting anywhere from 4-7 shots in a 2 minute period during a week where they're going through so much already. There have been petitions to change this, but apparently it's like #330 on the to-do list for Congress. They just need to hear from more parents to make it a priority and you can bet they'll hear from me.

On a brighter note, it appears that Eden may not have as much of a cleft palate issue as her paperwork states. All last week we were trying to get a good look in her mouth without upsetting her, and neither Paul nor I could figure out what was going on in there. When they checked her today they said her palate was fine. Looking at it, it appears intact, but not completely normal. We will see what the cleft team back home says, but we're so hoping now that maybe she won't need cleft palate surgery after all.

We have met a few other families also here for adoption and they have been super cool. Most of the families are adopting special needs children and it's been touching to see them willing to take on so much.

These are pics from the pool (Eden loves being in the water) and a shot of the girls taking a pic with some peacocks we ran into at a park. It cost about a buck and a half to take a picture with them.

Pillow Fight!

It didn't take long for a sibling rivalry to begin to brew... First round goes to Malia, but I have a feeling Eden will get her revenge later.

Guangzhou

We arrived in Guangzhou Friday night at 11pm after 2 flight delays...cranky kids, fried nerves, and just plain exhausted. Guangzhou is where the U.S. Consulate is and we have to spend a week here to get Eden's visa and do her medical check. The weather today is 93 degrees and 96% humidity.

Eden came from an orphanage where there was virtually no discipline. My guess is that it's just about survival and getting through the day there, and training the kids and disciplining them takes a lot of extra effort and energy. So you can imagine what it's like to have an almost 2 year old that has never had boundaries or heard "no". We've been pretty loose about stuff the first week, just focusing on her adjustment and growing in trust and bond with us. But we've been grappling with when to introduce some discipline for the important things like her biting/hitting and extremely picky eating. Yesterday at lunch Paul decided to lay down the law. I was hesitant but curious to see how it would go. Eden wanted to just eat french fries for lunch, and as we've shared before her not eating well is a big concern. Paul took the french fries away and said she could only have one if she took a bite of chicken. She was hysterical. I was so afraid she would hate us and become detached. But we stuck to it and after a 20 minute tantrum, she calmed down and had a bite of chicken. Paul followed through with the one bite of chicken then french fry routine, and as unhappy as she was, after the meal she was her happy self again and didn't seem to hold it against us.

Please pray for wisdom as we figure out how to slowly introduce boundaries to Eden while being sensitive to her adjustment period and attaching to us.

These pics are from yesterday...the girls enjoying their matching pajamas, and us with some women from a restaurant we ate at last night. Most of the Chinese restaurants we've eaten at have pictures on the menu so we just point to what we want. This place had no pictures and no one knew any English so it was hilarious trying to communicate what we wanted. They were so nice though and loved Eden. We got the requisite lecture on how Eden wasn't dressed warmly enough and I wasn't feeding her correctly, but it was all good-natured. We were able to communicate the girls' ages and that Eden was adopted in our broken Mandarin. It's been fun working on our Mandarin and we definitely make better progress being here than at home. The Chinese For Kids set that our friend Yuewen lent us has been invaluable - thanks Yuewen!

Thinking of Home

Eating and sleeping. Apart from getting those basic human activities figured out, parenting Eden has been a cinch. :) OK, seriously, our guide told me about a local phenomenon called "Sichuan temper." He says it's a result of all the mega-spicy foods everyone eats here (keeping in mind that Chongqing was formerly a part of Sichuan Province before it was split off into its own municipality). Eden gets to four-chili-pepper level anger when I'm either trying to put her to bed or trying to deny her something she wants.

I have to admit, it's only Day 4 and I'm pooped. I echo Malia's sentiments when she asked Mom, "Can we go home now?" I know all you super parents think I'm weak sauce, but I'm not used to being around kids 24/7 like this. I normally have the excuse (er, escape) of going to the office most of the day…

… which only raises my level of admiration for Eliza. She's a stalwart. I get easily frustrated with Eden's finicky palate or Malia's moments of maladjustment, but Eliza is ever the empath, bringing a keen sense of intuition, knowledge, and experience about what both kids need (or should I say, all three of us kids!). The simple truth is, we wouldn't be here doing this without her amazing preparation and unwavering resolve to bring Eden home as soon as possible. I'm amazed and grateful for the wonderful wife and mother she is… I can get all mushy now that she's asleep for the night and can't censor my blog entry. :)

Tomorrow we get Eden's passport and then board a plane to Guangzhou to work on her visa. Sigh… I wish we were home already… and with all y'all. Signing out to catch the last bit of Scorpion King dubbed in Chinese before getting some shuteye.

Day 3 With Eden

Eliza here. Wow, where do I start? The last few days have not been what I expected, but then, how could I have even predicted what it would be like. My thoughts are all over the place so I'll just tackle things one by one.

Eden: Eden seems to be doing really well, almost too well. After about 5 minutes of being shy, she took to us and just blended right in with the family. Malia being there definitely helped as she was the first person Eden really started interacting with. During the day Eden is just happy and curious and pretty much like any other 20 month old. But the hard times are naps and nighttime. When it's time to sleep Eden seems to be looking for something familiar and gets pretty upset that she can't find it. Paul has been routinely doing the stairs with her to help her fall asleep.

Other then sleep times, I haven't seen much in the way of grieving yet. Like I said, she came to us almost too easily. Since she spent most of her life at the orphanage, and then just the last 5 months with her foster family, I'm wondering if she just thinks we are her next foster family. There's obviously no way she knows how permanent we are. But she seems happy enough to be with us now.

She is a picky eater, which took us by surprise. She likes white and brown foods - rice, yogurt, bananas, cookies, bread. We are hard pressed to get her to eat anything with color. She also loves to throw things and it's especially entertaining if it hits someone in the face  :)  She is also very feisty! I took a marker away from her and she threw herself on the floor crying and hated me for about an hour. She loves to hit too when she's upset.

Malia: Oh Malia. She started out having a rough rough time, doing this screaming/crying thing I've never seen her do before. And she was absolutely stuck to me. But I've seen her relax a bit yesterday and even enjoy playing with Eden. She's also started showing some signs of being nurturing and caring towards Eden. And yesterday I was able to hold Eden a little without Malia freaking out. I'm actually really proud of Malia because I think she's been doing well considering the huge change that happened to her world. Plus dealing with jet lag and being in a foreign country. She's loving riding in cars without a car seat though, and drinking way more juice than normal since milk is harder to find.

Malia has also had a hard time with sleep, fighting us every time. But she is clearly exhausted. She started doing this funny thing where every time she yawns she immediately follows it with "i'm not tired"

Paul: They say that adopted kids usually attach to one parent at a time and it's clearly Paul that she's attached herself to. She already calls him "baba" (daddy in Chinese) and is pretty responsive to him. And he's been doing an AMAZING job with her. Paul is much better at going with the flow and not taking things as personally as I do. He's super patient with Eden and takes the lead with feeding and putting her to sleep.

Eliza: This has been a very difficult and challenging time as a mother for me. With Malia being clingy and Eden attaching to Paul, I've had to take a back seat in Eden's care and that is not a position I'm comfortable with to be honest. It's like there's an invisible straight jacket on me that prevents me from stepping in and taking care of Eden when I naturally want to. And I feel so helpless. I don't know my daughter yet, how to comfort her, how to care for her. It's like when you have a newborn baby, but newborns are a lot more forgiving since they're not very interactive.

The hardest part is that she doesn't know me yet. It's so much easier to care for a child that recognizes you as their mother. A child that responds to you. She thinks I'm okay, but not anything different from other women who have cared for her. I am learning to be okay with feeling helpless and being patient with the attachment process. But it sure is tough.

Here are pics from today at the zoo. The cute t-shirts were a gift from our friends Charles and Sulki - thank you!

We're Official

On our first day together, if I’m totally honest, Eden still felt somewhat like a stranger to me. After all, I had only just met her. Trying to soothe her to sleep on the first night together began the bonding experience for me. I only hope she’s feeling a connection to us.

She couldn’t be a more cheery and delightful toddler, though. It’s everything from the Frankenstein walk, to the way she rests her forehead on mine, to the way she follows Malia everywhere (much to her big sister’s dislike), to her picky eating habits (as evidence, I’ve included a video clip of her discovering that I had tried to slip in some fruit into her yoghurt).

On Day 2, we officially became Eden Qinying’s parents. It was both formal and comical. We were instructed to stand in certain spots, pose for certain pictures, recite a vow not to abandon and abuse… and then the Civil Affairs office tried to awkwardly sell us a photo album of the highlights of Chongqing along with pictures of the ceremony for the low, low price of 300 RMB (about $45).

Last night was another tough night for Eden. Sleep time seems to be especially hard for her for some reason. I tried to recreate the conditions that worked last night, and of course, they failed miserably. I only succeeded in getting Eden to unprecedented levels of agitation. Finally, I walked up and down the stairs of our high-rise hotel, and the monotonous, rhythmic sound of the steps eventually did the trick… although I ended up doing more floors than I was in shape for… suffice to say, I slept well last night.

We’re off to the zoo today for an outing. Eliza is eager to do the next blog (and not let me, Paul, do all the representing).

First Encounter

Sorry we’re a little late with this update. Yesterday was an draining day, and Mom and Dad were pretty wiped out by the time we put the kids to sleep… “kids”… it’s kinda nice to say that for the first time.

Eden has quite the personality. What we’ve observed so far is she’s rambunctious, a prankster, already loves to get a rise out of Malia (could become a lifelong pattern), has a constant motor, smiles and laughs a lot, can’t sit still, is feisty and pretty willful. All positive traits to Mom and Dad! We were afraid she’d be a little listless and withdrawn, and that isn’t the case at all. When she wants something, she grabs Daddy’s hand and brings me over to whatever it is to make me get it for her.

Malia is definitely going through an adjustment. She’s very clingy with Mom, and is not quite sure yet how to feel about this new addition to the family. When she saw the Social Welfare worker who accompanied Eden, Malia proclaimed with some relief, “She already has a Mommy!” We had to break it to Malia that the woman was not Eden’s mommy but her “auntie.”

We had dinner together at a local restaurant, and she seemed to be able to eat reasonably well. She definitely likes rice and does NOT like greens… pretty typical kid. Every time I tried to sneak in a little vegetable under the spoonful of rice, she’d be wise to me and turn her head away. Like I said, willful. J

The bedtime ritual was the first sign of Eden going through a tough transition. She refused to lie down in her crib or in our bed, so I (Paul) had to take her on a walk to try to soothe her a little. We were having a grand old time for awhile, and then all of a sudden, she started looking around for something (or someone), tearing up, and crying out for “Ba.” “Baba” means daddy in Chinese, so I wonder if she might have been looking for her foster dad. We know almost nothing about her foster care situation other than that she was only there for 4-5 months. We figured she probably didn’t develop much of a bond with them, but we could be wrong. In any event, I eventually took her out onto a busy street and rocked her in my arms. The noise and lights and general hustle and bustle seemed to calm her down, and she fell asleep pretty quickly. She’s been fast asleep ever since… Malia’s wondering if she’ll ever wake up so we could all go get some breakfast!

Well, I’ll end our update here with some pics. Eliza will write more soon.

The Big Day Has Arrived

Nearly two years of waiting is about to end. We meet Eden in a few short hours. It seems the only one not nervous is Malia. She seems to have the attitude, “Let’s get on with it already, rather than just talk about this theoretical person!” Mom and Dad are thinking about the many unknowns… How quickly will she take to us? Was it hard for her to go back to the orphanage? What will she eat? Is she really not potty trained?... which when you think about it, make no sense to worry about. We just won’t know until we meet her.

Our update tonight will include a photo of our much-awaited daughter. Thanks, everyone, for reading this and lifting us up in prayer. It means a lot.

I (Paul) have attached a few pics of Chongqing that I took on my jog this morning.