Tonight I'm feeling sort of melancholy, thinking about Eden and trying unsuccessfully not to get hung up about the long wait to meet her. It's hard, this trusting God thing. I stare at her picture and try to imagine what she looks like when she smiles and it cheers me up a little.

International adoption is a strange thing. Something so personal gets mixed up with politics and bureaucracy. I was touched to hear about 53 Haitian orphans who were flown to Pittsburgh to be placed with foster families while their adoptions were expedited even in the midst of destroyed documents and paperwork. Sometimes I feel like the "powers that be" in the U.S. and Chinese government offices don't give a crap about the parents and children in the adoptions they are processing and treat us like a number or merely a name on a piece of paper. Hearing about the orphans in Haiti restored my faith in humanity a little.

No, Daddy... I want Mommy! Waaaaa!

Bonding. Attachment. Connection. Whichever is your favorite term, it's one of the great fears in adopting. Will my adopted child ever "take" to me? We have heard from other parents who've had difficulty with their child attaching to them in the beginning. They are experiencing the loss of their former caregivers and don't often switch loyalties too easily.

Well, I've been reminded lately that bonding is an ongoing process, and can sometimes be difficult, even with supposedly "ideal" conditions (intact birth parents, stable home environment, etc.). Every morning these days Malia wakes up and cries for Mommy. Some mornings I go in first. At the sight of me, Malia will frown, lurch back, kick her legs up in protest, and wail for Mommy. Somehow my fragile ego has been taking it in stride. I just try to win her over. Everyday. What else can I do?

Usually, by about 7:30am, I'm her buddy again. And then she gives me the best "have a good day at work" hug there is.

Who knows what it will be like at first with Eden? I think I'm sorta ready to handle whatever comes. Malia's been preparing me.

jiě jie (older sister in chinese)

A lot of people ask about Malia's readiness to have a little sister soon and I do wonder how "ready" she really is. Just last week she was talking about how she wanted to share her toys with baby sister Eden. Um yeah, I know all you parents with more than one kid are getting a good chuckle. But for a moment I liked believing it was from her heart :)

Malia always includes Eden in family drawings, songs, and prayer time. One of her favorites is to sing "happy birthday" to everyone in the family before going to bed - mommy, daddy, Malia, and baby sister Eden. I'm sure she knows now that a little person named Eden is coming into her life, but doesn't have any idea that she will be here to stay, all day every day! I know it will be a tough adjustment for Malia, but I'm glad that Eden will have her as a sister as soon as she comes. She will have been used to being around other kids all the time anyways.

Okay, this is a totally gratuitous video clip of Malia, but we don't post videos of her anywhere else so I can't help it :) We took her up to Big Bear on New Year's Day so we could spend some quality time doing things with her before the big change. She loved the snow.