Today was the dreaded medical check. Eden had to get 6 shots in a 2 minute period and excuse my language but WTF. It was absolutely heartbreaking hearing Eden and the kids before her scream and cry their eyes out. I just couldn't take it. The Hague Convention (an international agreement between participating countries on best adoption procedures) requires that children be caught up on all their vaccines before entering the country. This means that kids are getting anywhere from 4-7 shots in a 2 minute period during a week where they're going through so much already. There have been petitions to change this, but apparently it's like #330 on the to-do list for Congress. They just need to hear from more parents to make it a priority and you can bet they'll hear from me.
On a brighter note, it appears that Eden may not have as much of a cleft palate issue as her paperwork states. All last week we were trying to get a good look in her mouth without upsetting her, and neither Paul nor I could figure out what was going on in there. When they checked her today they said her palate was fine. Looking at it, it appears intact, but not completely normal. We will see what the cleft team back home says, but we're so hoping now that maybe she won't need cleft palate surgery after all.
We have met a few other families also here for adoption and they have been super cool. Most of the families are adopting special needs children and it's been touching to see them willing to take on so much.
These are pics from the pool (Eden loves being in the water) and a shot of the girls taking a pic with some peacocks we ran into at a park. It cost about a buck and a half to take a picture with them.
We arrived in Guangzhou Friday night at 11pm after 2 flight delays...cranky kids, fried nerves, and just plain exhausted. Guangzhou is where the U.S. Consulate is and we have to spend a week here to get Eden's visa and do her medical check. The weather today is 93 degrees and 96% humidity.
Eden came from an orphanage where there was virtually no discipline. My guess is that it's just about survival and getting through the day there, and training the kids and disciplining them takes a lot of extra effort and energy. So you can imagine what it's like to have an almost 2 year old that has never had boundaries or heard "no". We've been pretty loose about stuff the first week, just focusing on her adjustment and growing in trust and bond with us. But we've been grappling with when to introduce some discipline for the important things like her biting/hitting and extremely picky eating. Yesterday at lunch Paul decided to lay down the law. I was hesitant but curious to see how it would go. Eden wanted to just eat french fries for lunch, and as we've shared before her not eating well is a big concern. Paul took the french fries away and said she could only have one if she took a bite of chicken. She was hysterical. I was so afraid she would hate us and become detached. But we stuck to it and after a 20 minute tantrum, she calmed down and had a bite of chicken. Paul followed through with the one bite of chicken then french fry routine, and as unhappy as she was, after the meal she was her happy self again and didn't seem to hold it against us.
Please pray for wisdom as we figure out how to slowly introduce boundaries to Eden while being sensitive to her adjustment period and attaching to us.
These pics are from yesterday...the girls enjoying their matching pajamas, and us with some women from a restaurant we ate at last night. Most of the Chinese restaurants we've eaten at have pictures on the menu so we just point to what we want. This place had no pictures and no one knew any English so it was hilarious trying to communicate what we wanted. They were so nice though and loved Eden. We got the requisite lecture on how Eden wasn't dressed warmly enough and I wasn't feeding her correctly, but it was all good-natured. We were able to communicate the girls' ages and that Eden was adopted in our broken Mandarin. It's been fun working on our Mandarin and we definitely make better progress being here than at home. The Chinese For Kids set that our friend Yuewen lent us has been invaluable - thanks Yuewen!
Eating and sleeping. Apart from getting those basic human activities figured out, parenting Eden has been a cinch. :) OK, seriously, our guide told me about a local phenomenon called "Sichuan temper." He says it's a result of all the mega-spicy foods everyone eats here (keeping in mind that Chongqing was formerly a part of Sichuan Province before it was split off into its own municipality). Eden gets to four-chili-pepper level anger when I'm either trying to put her to bed or trying to deny her something she wants.
I have to admit, it's only Day 4 and I'm pooped. I echo Malia's sentiments when she asked Mom, "Can we go home now?" I know all you super parents think I'm weak sauce, but I'm not used to being around kids 24/7 like this. I normally have the excuse (er, escape) of going to the office most of the day…
… which only raises my level of admiration for Eliza. She's a stalwart. I get easily frustrated with Eden's finicky palate or Malia's moments of maladjustment, but Eliza is ever the empath, bringing a keen sense of intuition, knowledge, and experience about what both kids need (or should I say, all three of us kids!). The simple truth is, we wouldn't be here doing this without her amazing preparation and unwavering resolve to bring Eden home as soon as possible. I'm amazed and grateful for the wonderful wife and mother she is… I can get all mushy now that she's asleep for the night and can't censor my blog entry. :)
Tomorrow we get Eden's passport and then board a plane to Guangzhou to work on her visa. Sigh… I wish we were home already… and with all y'all. Signing out to catch the last bit of Scorpion King dubbed in Chinese before getting some shuteye.
Eliza here. Wow, where do I start? The last few days have not been what I expected, but then, how could I have even predicted what it would be like. My thoughts are all over the place so I'll just tackle things one by one.
Eden: Eden seems to be doing really well, almost too well. After about 5 minutes of being shy, she took to us and just blended right in with the family. Malia being there definitely helped as she was the first person Eden really started interacting with. During the day Eden is just happy and curious and pretty much like any other 20 month old. But the hard times are naps and nighttime. When it's time to sleep Eden seems to be looking for something familiar and gets pretty upset that she can't find it. Paul has been routinely doing the stairs with her to help her fall asleep.
Other then sleep times, I haven't seen much in the way of grieving yet. Like I said, she came to us almost too easily. Since she spent most of her life at the orphanage, and then just the last 5 months with her foster family, I'm wondering if she just thinks we are her next foster family. There's obviously no way she knows how permanent we are. But she seems happy enough to be with us now.
She is a picky eater, which took us by surprise. She likes white and brown foods - rice, yogurt, bananas, cookies, bread. We are hard pressed to get her to eat anything with color. She also loves to throw things and it's especially entertaining if it hits someone in the face :) She is also very feisty! I took a marker away from her and she threw herself on the floor crying and hated me for about an hour. She loves to hit too when she's upset.
Malia: Oh Malia. She started out having a rough rough time, doing this screaming/crying thing I've never seen her do before. And she was absolutely stuck to me. But I've seen her relax a bit yesterday and even enjoy playing with Eden. She's also started showing some signs of being nurturing and caring towards Eden. And yesterday I was able to hold Eden a little without Malia freaking out. I'm actually really proud of Malia because I think she's been doing well considering the huge change that happened to her world. Plus dealing with jet lag and being in a foreign country. She's loving riding in cars without a car seat though, and drinking way more juice than normal since milk is harder to find.
Malia has also had a hard time with sleep, fighting us every time. But she is clearly exhausted. She started doing this funny thing where every time she yawns she immediately follows it with "i'm not tired"
Paul: They say that adopted kids usually attach to one parent at a time and it's clearly Paul that she's attached herself to. She already calls him "baba" (daddy in Chinese) and is pretty responsive to him. And he's been doing an AMAZING job with her. Paul is much better at going with the flow and not taking things as personally as I do. He's super patient with Eden and takes the lead with feeding and putting her to sleep.
Eliza: This has been a very difficult and challenging time as a mother for me. With Malia being clingy and Eden attaching to Paul, I've had to take a back seat in Eden's care and that is not a position I'm comfortable with to be honest. It's like there's an invisible straight jacket on me that prevents me from stepping in and taking care of Eden when I naturally want to. And I feel so helpless. I don't know my daughter yet, how to comfort her, how to care for her. It's like when you have a newborn baby, but newborns are a lot more forgiving since they're not very interactive.
The hardest part is that she doesn't know me yet. It's so much easier to care for a child that recognizes you as their mother. A child that responds to you. She thinks I'm okay, but not anything different from other women who have cared for her. I am learning to be okay with feeling helpless and being patient with the attachment process. But it sure is tough.
Here are pics from today at the zoo. The cute t-shirts were a gift from our friends Charles and Sulki - thank you!
On our first day together, if I’m totally honest, Eden still felt somewhat like a stranger to me. After all, I had only just met her. Trying to soothe her to sleep on the first night together began the bonding experience for me. I only hope she’s feeling a connection to us.
She couldn’t be a more cheery and delightful toddler, though. It’s everything from the Frankenstein walk, to the way she rests her forehead on mine, to the way she follows Malia everywhere (much to her big sister’s dislike), to her picky eating habits (as evidence, I’ve included a video clip of her discovering that I had tried to slip in some fruit into her yoghurt).
On Day 2, we officially became Eden Qinying’s parents. It was both formal and comical. We were instructed to stand in certain spots, pose for certain pictures, recite a vow not to abandon and abuse… and then the Civil Affairs office tried to awkwardly sell us a photo album of the highlights of Chongqing along with pictures of the ceremony for the low, low price of 300 RMB (about $45).
Last night was another tough night for Eden. Sleep time seems to be especially hard for her for some reason. I tried to recreate the conditions that worked last night, and of course, they failed miserably. I only succeeded in getting Eden to unprecedented levels of agitation. Finally, I walked up and down the stairs of our high-rise hotel, and the monotonous, rhythmic sound of the steps eventually did the trick… although I ended up doing more floors than I was in shape for… suffice to say, I slept well last night.
We’re off to the zoo today for an outing. Eliza is eager to do the next blog (and not let me, Paul, do all the representing).
Sorry we’re a little late with this update. Yesterday was an draining day, and Mom and Dad were pretty wiped out by the time we put the kids to sleep… “kids”… it’s kinda nice to say that for the first time.
Eden has quite the personality. What we’ve observed so far is she’s rambunctious, a prankster, already loves to get a rise out of Malia (could become a lifelong pattern), has a constant motor, smiles and laughs a lot, can’t sit still, is feisty and pretty willful. All positive traits to Mom and Dad! We were afraid she’d be a little listless and withdrawn, and that isn’t the case at all. When she wants something, she grabs Daddy’s hand and brings me over to whatever it is to make me get it for her.
Malia is definitely going through an adjustment. She’s very clingy with Mom, and is not quite sure yet how to feel about this new addition to the family. When she saw the Social Welfare worker who accompanied Eden, Malia proclaimed with some relief, “She already has a Mommy!” We had to break it to Malia that the woman was not Eden’s mommy but her “auntie.”
We had dinner together at a local restaurant, and she seemed to be able to eat reasonably well. She definitely likes rice and does NOT like greens… pretty typical kid. Every time I tried to sneak in a little vegetable under the spoonful of rice, she’d be wise to me and turn her head away. Like I said, willful. J
The bedtime ritual was the first sign of Eden going through a tough transition. She refused to lie down in her crib or in our bed, so I (Paul) had to take her on a walk to try to soothe her a little. We were having a grand old time for awhile, and then all of a sudden, she started looking around for something (or someone), tearing up, and crying out for “Ba.” “Baba” means daddy in Chinese, so I wonder if she might have been looking for her foster dad. We know almost nothing about her foster care situation other than that she was only there for 4-5 months. We figured she probably didn’t develop much of a bond with them, but we could be wrong. In any event, I eventually took her out onto a busy street and rocked her in my arms. The noise and lights and general hustle and bustle seemed to calm her down, and she fell asleep pretty quickly. She’s been fast asleep ever since… Malia’s wondering if she’ll ever wake up so we could all go get some breakfast!
Well, I’ll end our update here with some pics. Eliza will write more soon.
Nearly two years of waiting is about to end. We meet Eden in a few short hours. It seems the only one not nervous is Malia. She seems to have the attitude, “Let’s get on with it already, rather than just talk about this theoretical person!” Mom and Dad are thinking about the many unknowns… How quickly will she take to us? Was it hard for her to go back to the orphanage? What will she eat? Is she really not potty trained?... which when you think about it, make no sense to worry about. We just won’t know until we meet her.
Our update tonight will include a photo of our much-awaited daughter. Thanks, everyone, for reading this and lifting us up in prayer. It means a lot.
I (Paul) have attached a few pics of Chongqing that I took on my jog this morning.
We spent today in Beijing to start off the trip with an orientation given by our agency, Holt. It was with a group of 12 or so other families who are all going to different provinces. The fun part was receiving a red binder with 2 new pictures of Eden and some more information on her. Malia was very possessive of the new photos and wanted to carry them around with her. One interesting thing we found out was that Eden only just joined her foster family in Dec 2009, which means she really hasn't been there for very long. And she was moved back to the orphanage a week ago to prepare her for us coming. What they've explained about that is this allows the children to start the grieving process of leaving their foster family before we get there.
Malia has been such a trooper so far, very cheery and sweet even though she is exhausted. She hasn't been napping on this trip, but totally konking out early in the evening. This morning she woke up at 4:45am, was going strong all day long, and then fell asleep riding piggy-back on Paul while we were walking through a crowded market down the street from our hotel.
This video clip is from that market, and is not for the faint of heart. You can thank Paul for making sure it made it to the blog!
We leave for Chongqing tomorrow and will go meet Eden on Monday...
Many of you know what a finicky sleeper Malia is, and thus why we were dreading the long international flight. We did everything to stack the odds in our favor - made sure she was generally on her regular sleep schedule on the last day, boarded a midnight flight so that Malia would feel naturally tired and primed to sleep, even brought some children's Benadryl as a last-resort option (don't want to create outrage among you paragons of child safety with that last admission). Well true to form, Malia did not like the sleep conditions on the flight - this despite the fact that she was able to lay almost completely flat and stretched out thanks to some body contortions by Mom and Dad to create extra space in our 3 contiguous seats. She finally did manage to get about 5 or so choppy and disrupted hours of sleep on the flight. We take that as a victory. Thanks for your prayers.
We're now at a transit hotel in the Seoul airport where we have a 14 hour layover (I know, it was the cheapest ticket we could find). Thanks to the wonderful generosity of friends and family, we had a some extra money to splurge on the private room where we could catch some extra shut-eye. And Malia is now sound asleep. We are grateful.
For those of you who have asked to know how to be praying day-to-day, I would ask that you remember Eliza's health. She's still a bit under the weather, and the plane ride didn't help. Hopefully, this nap at the airport will be restorative.
We included a little photo of our little insomniac on the plane.
In a few hours we head out to LAX to go get our girl. Malia and I are both nursing colds and hoping it won't progress into anything nasty while we're there. We've received an outpouring of love and support as we've been preparing to leave and we feel like the most blessed people in the world.
As I was just bemoaning the lack of communication yesterday, we got an email from Holt today confirming that Eden and her foster family are okay after the storm and that they appreciate us asking about them :)
We also got another picture of Eden at the SWI and some updated measurements! At 19 months she is 29 in and 22 lbs, which puts her at the 5% for height and 15% for weight. Malia's always been higher in percentile for weight too :) Going through Malia's old clothes today and I was surprised at how few things I could bring for Eden. Either the seasons didn't match up or it was so stained I couldn't believe I'd saved it! And some things I remember Malia having and for the life of me couldn't find. Well, I guess I have to go shopping! :)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Well, our agency still doesn't have any news for us, but they keep telling us "no news is good news". It's a little unsettling that they are so out-of-touch with Eden and her orphanage, also in the fact that we've gotten no updates on her since last November. I feel like I'm reaching in the dark trying to prepare for this trip. I'm packing clothes in the 6-12 month and 12-18 month sizes...maybe a few 18-24 month, but it's more likely she's small for her age. I'm bringing bottles even though I don't know if she's still taking a bottle, and I'm bringing diapers even though she may already be potty trained! I guess the M.O. is to be prepared for anything. I don't care, I just want her here :)
It's on my to-do list to learn some more Mandarin phrases, but when?? There is no time...I feel pretty overwhelmed with packing and getting caught up with work before we go. Rosetta Stone was a good learning tool, but more relevant for adult conversation, not so much for talking to your child.
8 days until we leave. 13 days until we meet Eden!
These are the kinds of things that are so hard to not worry about when your child is thousands of miles away. We heard this morning that a huge storm hit Chongqing municipality, and Dianjiang county, where Eden lives with her foster mom, was one of those hit the hardest. Thousands of homes have been destroyed or damaged and 39 lives have been lost. We're waiting to hear back from our adoption agency on whether Eden is okay and trying not to worry too much in the meantime :(
Please pray with us for Eden and all those who are affected.
10/3/08 Sent application (Holt China Child of Promise program) 7/27/09 Dossier LID 8/6/09 Eden's Referral! 8/7/09 Letter of Intent to adopt Eden 12/18/09 Letter of Acceptance from China 1/14/10 I-800 Approval 3/4/10 Article 5 4/5/10 Travel Approval 5/20/10 Leave for Beijing 5/24/10 Meet Eden!!
