Trend in China Adoptions

Many of you know that I am a China-watcher. I'm fascinated, mystified, impressed, and sometimes angry at the things I learn about the country once known as the "empire of heaven" (天朝). I came across the AP article below and, of course, thought of our own situation with Eden... the long wait (we still sit by the phone every day hoping it's word of our travel approval)... curiosity and some doubt as to whether the need for international adoptive parents is really lessened by more domestic adoptions and fewer abandonments... the special medical needs of a high percentage of the adoption-eligible kids, including Eden...

Most of all, any news about China or adoptions or anything even tangentially related makes me long to see Eden, hold her in my arms, start bonding with her, not skip these formative stages of her life.

As a Christian, this being Passion Week is obviously a big deal for us. It's a time for reflection on Christ's sacrifice on the cross. As I ponder that incredible act, I struggle to accept God's perfect timing. He knows my anxiety. He knows my longings. But it is in His good and perfect hands. Somehow, this week leading up to Easter has helped me be more at peace with that.

Most adoptions from China now special-needs cases (March 27, 2010, AP)
Starting in the early 1990s, and as recently as a few years ago, the large majority of Chinese children adopted by foreigners were healthy baby girls abandoned by their parents, often because of a preference for a son in a country rigidly enforcing a one-child policy. Between 1995 and 2005, Americans adopted more than 60,000 children from China. The peak was 7,903 in 2005. Circumstances have changed dramatically since then. China has eased its one-child policy, fewer baby girls are abandoned, domestic adoptions of healthy orphans have increased, and the waiting time for foreigners to adopt a healthy infant has tripled to roughly four years. As a result, U.S. adoptions from China have plummeted more than 60 percent, to 3,001 last year. And of the children now adopted, roughly three of every five have special medical needs.

For full article>> read

Pics of Eden!!!

I joined a yahoo group a few months ago for parents who've adopted or are in the process of adopting children from Eden's SWI (Social Welfare Institute). Through that I met a couple of women who run a non-profit called Dianjiang Kids International. Their purpose is to raise funds and awareness so they can improve the quality of life for the children at the SWI.

Well, we received a total gift today when these women took a trip to China to check on the projects they've funded. I had given them Eden's Chinese name and asked if they could possibly look out for her and let me know how she's doing. They did better than that. They sent me 4 pictures of her and said they have some video footage of her that they'll send to me when they get back to the States!

As we've been bemoaning in this process, we've gotten no updated photos of Eden other than her referral photos from last April, and not much information on how she's doing or whether she was moved into a foster home. Getting these pictures and knowing they saw her was such an unexpected blessing and answer to our prayers.

In their words, Eden was "shy, but oh so sweet"!

Malia's In!

So after having an unexpected epiphany this week, we've decided to bring Malia with us to China to pick up Eden. About a year ago, a social worker pretty definitively advised that we shouldn't bring a toddler with us on the trip, stating the distractions and busyness we would be consumed by and that young kids would do better at home with the full attention of a loving caregiver. After hearing his advice, I completely put out of my mind even considering bringing Malia along. It seemed the general wisdom was to leave the small kids at home.

Then, on the heels of the traumatic response Malia had when we left her behind for a 4-day board meeting in Utah that Paul and I had to attend, I began to worry more about how she would do while we were in China. I still, though, wasn't entertaining the thought of bringing her, just trying to come up with better distractions and enlist extra help for poor grandma.

But a few days ago I was discussing this with my mom, who we've asked to care for Malia while we're in China, and she simply asked me "You really can't bring her with you"? And I immediately went into the reasons that were imprinted in my brain by this point as to why we couldn't. But afterwards I thought, well why not really? So I called the agency to see if it was still a possibility and they basically said it came down to whether or not I could get Malia a passport and entry visa in time.

I also went on the Holt web forum and asked other adoptive parents their advice and experiences. The responses I got were all telling me to bring Malia! I had no idea because I never asked. They shared stories of how having their other kids there made the transition easier for their new child, and on the flip side allowing the kids to be a part of the trip helped them to accept the new sibling as well.

With each passing day Paul and I feel more and more peace that this is the right decision and we're so thankful God led us to this realization in time. Just in time! We just applied for Malia's passport this morning and we'll have just enough time to get it as well as her visa.

We are even more excited now to leave for China knowing how much fuller the experience will be for us as a family :)

Waiting Is the Hardest Part

Some of you might be wondering why we don't update our blog more frequently. Well, it's mostly because we have very little new information to report. Ever since we got matched last August, it has felt like an interminable waiting game.

I have to confess that it is very hard to be patient. Eliza and I take turns wanting to punch a hole in the wall, scream... find some form of taking our frustrations out. We feel so helpless. Worst yet, it seems like our process is going slower than nearly any other family in our program (based on a sampling of forum and blog updates by other families). All the while, we try to find solace in each other and keep up hope that this process will soon come to an end.

Today we got some news. It arrives in trickles. Baby steps. Here's what the email from our agency said:

I wanted to let you know that we received word that your Article 5 was picked up and forwarded to the CCAA today, (Thursday.) We estimate that your travel approval should arrive in our office in the next 3-4 weeks. When your TA arrives in our office, we will let you know via email, and then start working on your travel arrangements. Families typically travel to China 3-4 weeks after their TA arrives in our office.

Those estimates have not been accurate for us. Thus far, every step has taken longer than the long estimate. But if we project out based on those estimates, we'll be in China in late April or early May. At this point, we'll take it.

For those of you who are praying for us, we do covet those prayers. We want to believe that God has perfect timing. Right now, in this moment, I have to frankly confess... my faith is being tested.

I just want Eden home.

Tonight I'm feeling sort of melancholy, thinking about Eden and trying unsuccessfully not to get hung up about the long wait to meet her. It's hard, this trusting God thing. I stare at her picture and try to imagine what she looks like when she smiles and it cheers me up a little.

International adoption is a strange thing. Something so personal gets mixed up with politics and bureaucracy. I was touched to hear about 53 Haitian orphans who were flown to Pittsburgh to be placed with foster families while their adoptions were expedited even in the midst of destroyed documents and paperwork. Sometimes I feel like the "powers that be" in the U.S. and Chinese government offices don't give a crap about the parents and children in the adoptions they are processing and treat us like a number or merely a name on a piece of paper. Hearing about the orphans in Haiti restored my faith in humanity a little.

No, Daddy... I want Mommy! Waaaaa!

Bonding. Attachment. Connection. Whichever is your favorite term, it's one of the great fears in adopting. Will my adopted child ever "take" to me? We have heard from other parents who've had difficulty with their child attaching to them in the beginning. They are experiencing the loss of their former caregivers and don't often switch loyalties too easily.

Well, I've been reminded lately that bonding is an ongoing process, and can sometimes be difficult, even with supposedly "ideal" conditions (intact birth parents, stable home environment, etc.). Every morning these days Malia wakes up and cries for Mommy. Some mornings I go in first. At the sight of me, Malia will frown, lurch back, kick her legs up in protest, and wail for Mommy. Somehow my fragile ego has been taking it in stride. I just try to win her over. Everyday. What else can I do?

Usually, by about 7:30am, I'm her buddy again. And then she gives me the best "have a good day at work" hug there is.

Who knows what it will be like at first with Eden? I think I'm sorta ready to handle whatever comes. Malia's been preparing me.

jiě jie (older sister in chinese)

A lot of people ask about Malia's readiness to have a little sister soon and I do wonder how "ready" she really is. Just last week she was talking about how she wanted to share her toys with baby sister Eden. Um yeah, I know all you parents with more than one kid are getting a good chuckle. But for a moment I liked believing it was from her heart :)

Malia always includes Eden in family drawings, songs, and prayer time. One of her favorites is to sing "happy birthday" to everyone in the family before going to bed - mommy, daddy, Malia, and baby sister Eden. I'm sure she knows now that a little person named Eden is coming into her life, but doesn't have any idea that she will be here to stay, all day every day! I know it will be a tough adjustment for Malia, but I'm glad that Eden will have her as a sister as soon as she comes. She will have been used to being around other kids all the time anyways.

Okay, this is a totally gratuitous video clip of Malia, but we don't post videos of her anywhere else so I can't help it :) We took her up to Big Bear on New Year's Day so we could spend some quality time doing things with her before the big change. She loved the snow.