Beijing

We spent today in Beijing to start off the trip with an orientation given by our agency, Holt. It was with a group of 12 or so other families who are all going to different provinces. The fun part was receiving a red binder with 2 new pictures of Eden and some more information on her. Malia was very possessive of the new photos and wanted to carry them around with her. One interesting thing we found out was that Eden only just joined her foster family in Dec 2009, which means she really hasn't been there for very long. And she was moved back to the orphanage a week ago to prepare her for us coming. What they've explained about that is this allows the children to start the grieving process of leaving their foster family before we get there.

Malia has been such a trooper so far, very cheery and sweet even though she is exhausted. She hasn't been napping on this trip, but totally konking out early in the evening. This morning she woke up at 4:45am, was going strong all day long, and then fell asleep riding piggy-back on Paul while we were walking through a crowded market down the street from our hotel.
















This video clip is from that market, and is not for the faint of heart. You can thank Paul for making sure it made it to the blog!

We leave for Chongqing tomorrow and will go meet Eden on Monday...

First Leg Complete

Snoring has never sounded so sweet.

Many of you know what a finicky sleeper Malia is, and thus why we were dreading the long international flight. We did everything to stack the odds in our favor - made sure she was generally on her regular sleep schedule on the last day, boarded a midnight flight so that Malia would feel naturally tired and primed to sleep, even brought some children's Benadryl as a last-resort option (don't want to create outrage among you paragons of child safety with that last admission). Well true to form, Malia did not like the sleep conditions on the flight - this despite the fact that she was able to lay almost completely flat and stretched out thanks to some body contortions by Mom and Dad to create extra space in our 3 contiguous seats. She finally did manage to get about 5 or so choppy and disrupted hours of sleep on the flight. We take that as a victory. Thanks for your prayers.

We're now at a transit hotel in the Seoul airport where we have a 14 hour layover (I know, it was the cheapest ticket we could find). Thanks to the wonderful generosity of friends and family, we had a some extra money to splurge on the private room where we could catch some extra shut-eye. And Malia is now sound asleep. We are grateful.

For those of you who have asked to know how to be praying day-to-day, I would ask that you remember Eliza's health. She's still a bit under the weather, and the plane ride didn't help. Hopefully, this nap at the airport will be restorative.

We included a little photo of our little insomniac on the plane.

Off We Go!

In a few hours we head out to LAX to go get our girl. Malia and I are both nursing colds and hoping it won't progress into anything nasty while we're there. We've received an outpouring of love and support as we've been preparing to leave and we feel like the most blessed people in the world.

We'll see you on the other side...

Update!

As I was just bemoaning the lack of communication yesterday, we got an email from Holt today confirming that Eden and her foster family are okay after the storm and that they appreciate us asking about them :)

We also got another picture of Eden at the SWI and some updated measurements! At 19 months she is 29 in and 22 lbs, which puts her at the 5% for height and 15% for weight. Malia's always been higher in percentile for weight too :) Going through Malia's old clothes today and I was surprised at how few things I could bring for Eden. Either the seasons didn't match up or it was so stained I couldn't believe I'd saved it! And some things I remember Malia having and for the life of me couldn't find. Well, I guess I have to go shopping! :)

Well, our agency still doesn't have any news for us, but they keep telling us "no news is good news". It's a little unsettling that they are so out-of-touch with Eden and her orphanage, also in the fact that we've gotten no updates on her since last November. I feel like I'm reaching in the dark trying to prepare for this trip. I'm packing clothes in the 6-12 month and 12-18 month sizes...maybe a few 18-24 month, but it's more likely she's small for her age. I'm bringing bottles even though I don't know if she's still taking a bottle, and I'm bringing diapers even though she may already be potty trained! I guess the M.O. is to be prepared for anything. I don't care, I just want her here :)

It's on my to-do list to learn some more Mandarin phrases, but when?? There is no time...I feel pretty overwhelmed with packing and getting caught up with work before we go. Rosetta Stone was a good learning tool, but more relevant for adult conversation, not so much for talking to your child.

8 days until we leave. 13 days until we meet Eden!

Devastating Storms hit Eden's County

These are the kinds of things that are so hard to not worry about when your child is thousands of miles away. We heard this morning that a huge storm hit Chongqing municipality, and Dianjiang county, where Eden lives with her foster mom, was one of those hit the hardest. Thousands of homes have been destroyed or damaged and 39 lives have been lost. We're waiting to hear back from our adoption agency on whether Eden is okay and trying not to worry too much in the meantime :(

Please pray with us for Eden and all those who are affected.

The not-so-rosy part

A few conversations I've already had with friends have prompted me to write this entry. I feel like I owe it to our wonderful support system to help them better understand the situation we're going to find ourselves in when Eden finally comes into our family.

To start, here's a quote from an article I read on attachment in adoption:

...it is important to remember that while you have been waiting anxiously for your baby, your baby has not been waiting anxiously for you.

They say it so well. It's wishful thinking to let yourself go into this hoping your child will be happy to see you, that they're going to appreciate you coming into their life. Eden will be 20 months old when we meet her... a toddler with her own personality, her own memories and experiences. She will have already lost her birth mother, changed hands of caregivers at the orphanage, and then lost her foster mother. And in an instant everything she knows will be yanked from her and she will be alone (well, she'll certainly feel alone) with a bunch of strangers that talk different, smell different, act different from anyone she's known.

There's a family who adopted an 18 month-old girl from the same orphanage that Eden is from, whose story I've been following. In the midst of their daughter's grieving and all the heartache and pain it causes them, the mom makes the profound point that "it's not about me, it's about her." I love that. When I'm tempted to get frustrated, or feel sorry for myself if things aren't going well, to put myself in Eden's shoes and remember the incredible loss and trauma she's been through. She will need to grieve her loss, and it probably won't happen all at once but over time.

Part of helping her with that will be talking to her about what's happened, about her life in China and the people who've cared for her there. It will always be a part of her story and although I want her to come to love being a part of our family, I cannot pretend that her current existence in China didn't happen or is insignificant. We will always be open with her about how she came to us, giving her age-appropriate responses, and do our best to help her make sense of her identity. And we will love her with all our being and pray that at the end of the day she will feel loved.

On to more practical things...at the counsel of many who went before us, we're committing to only Paul and I being the ones who hold her, feed her, and care for her in any way, for at least the first few months she's home. She does not know as Malia knows, that a mommy is reliable and will always be there. To her, I am just another caregiver in her life, and I, too, may leave at any point. Many adopted kids upon coming home will go to strangers, or "mommy shop." They think, mommies come and go, so I'm going to choose my next mommy myself. It's a survival skill orphaned children develop and it gives them a sense of control in their out-of-control world. We have to help Eden learn that I am her mommy, Paul is her daddy, and we are not going anywhere.

We'll also be laying low for a while, even though it's not like I'm going to be recovering from giving birth or anything. Some of it is because we don't want to introduce too many new people and experiences to Eden when she's just had this big change in her life. It's also because she's not used to the things Malia was used to at 20 months: playdates, church and Sunday School, classes, being dragged along a parent's busy social calendar. Overstimulating her at this point will only be counterproductive to her adjustment and also personal development. We won't be hermits or anything, but we'll have to take things slow.

All this to say that parenting Eden will be quite different than our experience with Malia, and we are bound to struggle and make mistakes as we go. We will really need the support and understanding of our family and friends and we already know we can count on you guys for that. The laying low part will be harder on Paul, so give him some extra support! :)