All the articles and stories I've read on adoption websites and heard from other adoptive parents tell of the moment they saw their first picture of their child, of how they knew it was their son/daughter. So I naturally had that in my mind as how it was supposed to happen for me when I first saw my daughter.

As I anxiously opened the email from the agency that had her picture, my finger held the little white arrow over the attachment as I prepared myself for my big revelation. I opened it. I looked at it. "Oh, a Chinese baby." She was adorable, she was precious. But no fireworks going off in my head, or instant connection being formed. I was wondering what this meant.

Paul and I decided to take the route of praying about her and thinking about her over the 24 hours we had to make a decision and seeing if any red flags came up in our minds. None did, and as I spent the day going over her medical records with doctors and researching cleft palate programs, staring at her picture between phone calls, a connection slowly started to form. Already I was being a mother, learning about her medical condition and trying to figure out the best way I can help her.

Now it's been a week since we were matched with her, and our bond is growing. It really is excruciating, not having her here with us and having no idea when we can go get her. For now we are trying to make the most of our time with Malia and trusting that God has perfect timing, just as He's always had.